Hills I'll Die On as a Mom of four (None)

So, about that trend

If you've been on Instagram lately, you've seen it. "Hills I'll die on as a parent." Mom after mom, listing the things she will defend to the very end.

I watched a lot of them. Some made me laugh. Some made me nod. And a few made my chest go a little tight, because I recognised myself in them.

So I sat with the question for a while. What are my hills, as a mom of four?

And honestly? None.

I do have opinions. Trust me, plenty of them. But Someone already died on a hill for me. And the more I think about that, the less energy I want to spend defending all the little ones.

The hills we fight over

Let's name them, shall we? Because we all know what they are.

Co-sleeping or the cot. Breastfeeding or formula. Screens or no screens. Sleep training or feeding to sleep. Purees or baby-led weaning. Working or staying home. Gentle parenting or "I said so, that's why."

Honestly? Every single one of those choices is normal. Every single one is being made, right now, by a mom who loves her child fiercely.

The mom giving a bottle at 2am is feeding her baby. The mom with a toddler in her bed is getting a bit of sleep. The mom who handed over the iPad so she could cook supper is getting food on the table. They're all just doing the next right thing with the energy they have left.

I know, because I've been every one of those moms on some day or other. Tired, second-guessing, scrolling for someone to tell me I'm doing it right.

And I've also been the mom with a little too much to say about how someone else was doing it. I wince a bit thinking about it. But it's worth being honest about, because I doubt I'm the only one.

Yes, please have a plan

Now, choices matter. Of course they do.

Follow a structure. Read the books, ask the experts, chat to the clinic sister. Decide how you want to raise your kids, and find the strategies that actually work for your family. Your home, your children, your season.

That's good, wise mothering. And it's yours to decide.

But somewhere along the way, a choice that was meant to serve our family turns into a flag we have to plant. A preference becomes a position. And a position becomes something to defend, sometimes against the very moms who need us most.

That's when I think we've lost the plot a little.

The only hill that really matters

There's one hill I keep coming back to. It's the one with the cross on it.

Jesus went to that cross so I wouldn't have to carry the weight of getting everything right. As a mom, and as a person. Kind of puts the breastfeeding debate in perspective, doesn't it?

That changes how I hold all my other opinions. I still have them. I just hold them with open hands.

If I'm honest, my opinions are shaped by my kids, my body, my energy, my bank balance and a hundred tired nights. They're good for my family. The good news is Him.

So I want to spend most of my time, and most of my words, pointing people there. To Him, and to what He has done, so we don't have to.

To the mom who chose differently

If you're the mom who did it the other way, I'm on your side.

I'd love to sit next to you with a cup of coffee and hear how it's really going. And I'd love my kids to see me love you well.

And if you're the mom who's been fighting for her hill because it's the only thing that makes you feel like you're getting this right, I see you too. You can put it down. You're doing better than you think.

So here's my list, mamma. Hills I'll die on as a mom of four:

None.

He already did.

What's one hill you've laid down this year? I'd love to hear it.