Building resilience in children

by Ina-Mari van Aarde

Resilient children are children who can thrive despite their circumstances. Think of a succulent that is wired to grow and adapt even in the face of drought. As parents, we know that life is not without challenges.

When the going gets tough, we want our children to bounce back and come out stronger on the other side. Resilience is about the capacity to withstand exceptional challenges or disappointments while moving forward.

The good news is that resilience is a skill that can be learned. What’s more, just the fact that you have a positive connection with your child is already a protective factor in mitigating risks associated with adversity.

Connecting with others, such as friends and family, provides a support network that your child can depend on during stressful times.

Here are some more ways in which parents can foster resilience in children:

1. Be mindful of your own mindset when handling difficult situations.

Children are watching their parents all the time and if you are someone who approach problems and difficulties with a positive mindset, they are more likely to follow the same pathway when going through difficult times.

2. Help your child to recognize, name and validate their feelings.

This will help them feel more in control of their emotions and gain a better understanding of their internal world, thus helping them to regulate big feelings more effectively.

3. Nurture your child’s self-compassion.

It’s important to teach children from a young age to be kind to themselves, especially when dealing with failures and disappointments. Self-compassion enables children to tap into their unique character strengths, develop a positive sense of self and talk gently to themselves instead of engaging in negative, unhelpful thinking.

4. Read stories about resilience.

This is especially effective with younger children as they often relate with the story and characters, allowing them to identify possible solutions to their problems and learn effective ways of dealing with their feelings.

5. Make gratitude a daily practice in your home.

Research has shown that when we shift our perspective to the things that we are grateful for, we tend to focus on the positive aspects of our lives and experience problems as less stressful. 

6. Teach your child to look at a situation from multiple perspectives.

This fosters flexible thinking which is very useful in dealing with problems as they will be less likely to get stuck in negative thinking patterns. The ability to come up with alternative plans is a critical aspect of coping with stressful situations and developing resilience.

7. Let them play!

Allowing sufficient opportunities for unrestricted play provides children with the space to grow in self-awareness, express their feelings freely and discover new coping skills and capabilities. Play puts children in the driving seat. The feeling they get from being in control may give them more confidence in real-life situations where they feel powerless.

If we can teach our children to turn difficult times into opportunities for growth, we can help them to make future hardships more manageable.

Keep in mind that a resilience mindset will take time to cultivate, so try to take on a supportive role while they figure out how to respond to setbacks and challenges.