Understanding and Easing Your Child's Separation Anxiety
Updated: May 30, 2025
by Ria Heystek
Do you sometimes wonder if it is normal for your child to feel anxious when you say goodbye after dropping them off at school? Or when you leave for a night out?
I have good news. Separation anxiety is a normal stage of development in children. As a parent, you can ease this sense of uncertainty. These anxious feelings usually fade as your child gets older. You’ll be relieved to know that your child will outgrow this phase. When? That’s the tricky question.
The period of intense neediness often passes between 18 months and 2 ½ years. However, there can still be occasional separation anxiety between the ages of 3 and 5.
Signs of Separation Anxiety
It's essential to recognize signs of separation anxiety in your child. These can include crying, clinging, or refusing to engage in activities when you leave. Identifying these behaviors early on can help you tackle them effectively.
What If It Feels Like This Phase Is Never Ending?
Nine Practical Tips to Help Ease Normal Separation Anxiety in Children
Here are nine practical strategies that can help you and your child navigate this phase.
1. Practice Gradual Separation
Start by leaving your child with a caregiver for brief periods. When planning to go out for longer, arrange for the caregiver to arrive a bit earlier. This approach helps your child adjust slowly.
2. Use "Goodbye Mommy" Instead of "Goodbye Johnny"
Allow the caregiver to take your child out for a stroll while you head out. This lets your child say goodbye in a familiar way, easing their anxiety.
3. Stay Calm and Positive
Keep a positive attitude when saying goodbye. Use a fun phrase like “See you later, alligator.” Encourage your child to respond with “In a while, crocodile.” This makes the departure feel lighter.
4. Engage in an Activity
Involve your child in an activity that keeps them busy while you’re away. This distraction can help shift their focus and keep them occupied.
5. Play the "Remember Me" Game
Give your child a small item that reminds them of you while you’re away. Ensure that the object doesn’t create additional anxiety; it should be reassuring.
6. Communicate Details
Share what you will be doing while you are apart. Even if your child’s vocabulary is limited, positive communication can help them feel secure.
7. Avoid Unrealistic Expectations
Do not provide a specific time for your return unless you are completely sure. Instead, say, “Mommy will see you later,” or, “When you wake up tomorrow, mommy and daddy will be here.” This approach sets realistic expectations.
8. Say Goodbye Once
When saying goodbye, do it only once. Whether it’s a wave through the window or, “Goodbye my boy,” avoid repeating it. Multiple goodbyes create uncertainty and stress.
9. Say Goodbye and Leave
Let your child know you are leaving. Reassure them that you will return, then go without stalling. If you know your child is safe, it’s okay for you to step away.
Monitoring and Support
Follow these practical tips and monitor your child’s progress. This process can be challenging, but with time and consistency, it often improves. Remember, every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another.
In conclusion, separation anxiety is common, but it doesn't have to be overwhelming. With understanding and support, you can help your child navigate this phase. If you have any questions or need further information regarding separation anxiety, please feel free to contact me.
Ria Heystek Registered Counselor
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